Yes

Just some quick thoughts from church tonight.

What is the difference between God saying "no" and God saying "fight a little bit for it." How am I supposed to know when God just wants me to work a little harder at something. If I believe that perfect love never fears, then shouldn't I believe that God will always take care of me? If he is always taking care of me then when he says no I should take it for that and know that I don't need it.

That isn't my life or my faith though. God doesn't simply tell us what we can or cannot do. He wants us to have to work at it sometimes. All of our hard decisions are not bad, and not all the easy ones are good. We have to work at our faith and work to trust our God; it isn't always easy.

I'm still curious however, and I am sure that I will be for some time.

-Have a blessed day

Gives Me Hope

If you have ever been to fmylife.com then you know that it is full of depressing and pretty sad stories, although pretty funny. Today though, I stumbled upon a new website that is very similar.

It is called gives me hope. Instead of people complaining about how terrible things have happened to them, it shows people being uplifted by events in their life. It is a nice alternative and its refreshing to see something like this. If you get a chance you should check it out.

Just thought I would throw that out there.

-Have a blessed day

Oh my God, why have you done this to me?

why

my lord, you are supposed to be my strength,

to build me up.

"You're tearing me down" I shout,

but you are patient and gentle with me.



I run and try to escape you.

I am angry and hurt.

I don't see why you would ever put me through this.

I get it,

only part of it,

I see why it must happen,

but like this?

My God, why like this?

I scream and I cry;

I am angry at you and I doubt.

"If you loved me then why must it be like this?"



I drive,

drive and I drive.

Then,

I know it. I see it.

Right in front of me.

You did it for me.

For us.

You are showing me how it has to be,

just you and me.

There it is, I asked you to show me,

and there it is.

I know it is your answer.

I have no doubt.

Where else could it have come from, so obvious and easy.

You love me and want me.

I was getting distracted;

loosing sight of you,

and you pulled me back in.

You showed me that you are all I need.

I had lost my focus and you showed me the way.



That wasn't it though,

Lord,

that wasn't it.

You used this for more than just that.

Even after I thought I had it all figured out,

you corrected me again.

Like a child,

almost there, but still struggling.

How could I think that was it?

How dare I be so selfish?

Oh no, it isn't all about me,

i'm only a tool.

My feeble mind cannot comprehend

you.

All I see are glimpses

and

I hope I am getting it.

this is just as much a lesson for them also.



You speak to

me

and tell me that

you are God.

I am learning

you have powers beyond my belief.

I am learning

to trust.

My God,

you have a plan.

Take me and use me as you will.

Show me how to fall back on you.

I want to be

yours.

Ok, Quick Thought

Happened while I was showering. Weird, I know.

But why don't I show my faith off more? Such as saying God bless you instead of simply bless you or have a nice day. Wouldn't it make it easier to break through the religious barrier I face sometimes? Wouldn't it make me more comfortable sharing my religion?

First Official Day of Summer

Well here it is. Up until today, it actually hadn't hit me. I was sitting there, wondering what I was going to do today, and there it was, it is actually summer now.

Not only is it summer, but my last summer, the summer right before I leave for college. What a intimidating thing to say. This year has been great for me though. Last week at church we did an activity where we wrote how we have seen God in our lives over the last year. I wasn't really feeling into it at the time, not for anything specific, I just couldn't really decide what I wanted to say.

The thing is, I have done that all year, so I guess when there is one moment when I am supposed to look back on it all and say, "wow look what God has done for me," it has been pretty hard. It seems like way too much to write down in a mere paragraph, though ironically, that is probably what is about to happen. I just never realized how much God could change me in a simple years time. Whether it has been through new friends and relationships, or a new attitude on life, I think I can be very confident that I am not who I was this time last year.

I'm not really sure what it is. Maybe it is just me, maybe it is my group of friends, or maybe it is what happens to most people during their senior year. It has been a pretty rough change though. I finally understand how it feels. I just don't feel as well connected with everyone like I used to. I have a very small, close knit group of friends and that is about it. I am still distancing myself from them however. The people I was closest to last year simply aren't very close right now. It has been hard on me. I'm torn between whether I have distanced myself, or if I have simply changed and we just naturally grew apart.

I think I have matured very much in the past year and had many realizations about who I am or who I was. I know I still have a very long way to go, but I am excited to see where God is leading me. I thank him so much for what he has done to me and where he as put me. I might have changed, but I'm sure it was for the best. I have built strong relationships in place of some that might have grown apart, and I am working to keep those strong also.

College is ahead and who knows what lies in store for me there. Hopefully this summer I can continue to put myself to use for God. My closest friend is leaving soon and this summer will be much harder without him, but I know that God has a plan in store. I have relationships that I need to rebuild and new ones to make. For as much as I have grown this year, there is much more left to come. God, please take my hand and guide me through.

Have a blessed day.