Thank you google trends for informing me of the meteor shower.

Thank you meteor shower for letting me share you, even if ever so slightly, with a cute girl.

Thank you God for the beautiful meteor shower.

Crazy love and some checklist

I have been struggling for a long time now about updating this. I have many ideas that spring into my mind and I would love to write about, but as I begin the words never take shape the way that I need them to. My message never seems just right. Maybe I am just my own worst critic, but what I write never seems up to the standard that I have set for my thoughts. Due to this, I typically get about halfway through and then delete the entry... hopefully this one makes it.

Also, I found myself writing this, not for myself, not because I needed to be writing it, but because I wanted to leave a certain image or have an impact. It didn't feel right so I stopped because I, in a way, felt fake.

On top of both of those reasons, I found myself in the middle of a very tough year full of transition and growth. I was very unsure of who I was and what I would be like. I slacked off in many areas of my life and wasn't quite the person I wanted to be. Not to say that I was a bad person, but I set a higher bar in my life than I was achieving.

My senior year in high school I had a very strong group of friends who were great influences on me. A majority of my time was spent with that group of friends or doing other activities at, or with, the church. I felt very close to God and I was striving to continue build that relationship. I yearned to become a better person and a stronger Christian. This blog, during that time, reflects those thoughts and feelings.

However, when I went off to college I was lost. It was a completely new place; with new friends, church, and life. I had a hard time adjusting to losing the people I held dearest to my life. You might be able to say that I was depressed, I wouldn't quite know how to diagnose that. I went through the motions of my life, but it was all just a shadow of what I was. I still went to church, school, work; the difference was that I had no desire to be doing any of those things. I kept to myself a majority of the time. I only made slight efforts to meet new people and the desire came sporadically and often vanished quickly.

As a result of this I (at this point I almost deleted this because I feel like I am whining) spent a lot of time in my room doing a lot of nothing. I killed time playing video games and watching pointless tv. I had simply lost my desire to do things that used to interest me. I let my faith get pushed aside and become much less important to me. I stopped trying to push it and as a result it became stagnate. My prayer life diminished and I felt far from God.

I mean things could have turned out much worse, but I was not proud of who I was. Now I think things have changed. Maybe after spending a year here I have become more accustomed to the area and the people. Maybe its the duplex we have; the dorm just killed me. I can't say what reason I really have, but I do know that I am vowing to make and change and have a better, more purposeful year.

I have decided to change my point of view about this blog. I got lazy and very intimidated by the thought of writing in this. ( Second time I almost deleted) I will be writing for myself. A way to remind myself of what I was thinking and goals I have. I will also aim to be less critical of myself and accept my writing style (I guess). Thank you Allan for the nudge to finally get through this wall and get started again.

This year I plan to:

• Actually start making it a point to read my bible.
• Make a point to stop and help people on the road that need it.
• Show the love to others that my lord has given to me.
• Study for tests, not just cram for finals.
• Learn how to cook. Like really cook. Not just grilled cheese and pasta.
• Be more outgoing and do things. Less time sitting in my room and more time out building relationships.
• Take the initiative and volunteer at the soup kitchen, do hype (an inner city ministry for children in college station), and help out at the lincoln house of hope like i keep "planning" to do at least once.
• Write my ideas down here. And stop erasing them, thinking they are dumb, or being too lazy to actually write.

We recently got back from a retreat for the incoming freshman with the Aggies for Christ. The topic of the retreat was based off of the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. I, for some reason, have still yet to read the book. It has been in my possession for almost a year now and I still haven't gotten to it. As I said, I put a lot of stuff off. But I really enjoyed the retreat. The idea is something I have struggling with in my head for awhile. If God has such an intense, crazy (if you will), love that he was able to do what he did, then why am I so lazy. He was able to come to earth and be an example to us, while suffering the entire time, so he could go to the cross and die so that my sins could be forgiven. Which is something that I definitely do not deserve. He does all of that and how do I repay him? I fall away during the year that I probably need him the most, I say half hearted prayers, and I don't show his mercy or love to those who need it from me. We have to make a change in ourselves. We can't just be complacent and lazy. We have to strive to build and strengthen our relationship with God and with our brothers in Christ. I think that we are all afraid to make the changes necessary. We tweak a few little things and hope that it works. But his crazy love calls for our complete devotion, it requires a total makeover of our life. It's intimidating and scary to think that we have to make such major changes and I think that is why we hold back so much. We are so comfortable in who we are and what we are doing that making a big change is just too much. But I do think that is what we are called to do as christians and I fully believe that if the change is made it, then the result is entirely worth it.

I think things are starting to look up down here in College Station.

Where is the Love?

Where is the love?

Love At The Core

So I have noticed a trend sweeping through churches, or at least the two that I go to, if you can call it a trend based on only two. It seems that we are moving towards churches that are centered on love. Love for each other and love for God. Not that the church wasn't about love before, but it seems apparent that the church is trying to reteach its primary goal as love.

It seems almost coincidental to me. Just a few weeks ago I had one of the best Sunday morning classes of my life. The topic was love. Then I go to church, and we change our mission statement and announce that we are making a focus upon the families in the church and centering ourselves around love for each other and God. When I get back to college, turns out that my church here is doing much the same. I can't say how much I love it. I think it's great and churches are making great ideas.

I hope this is here to stay. I hope this isn't just some movement that is here for only awhile. I hope that this is for the right reasons and not just because it seems to be the popular thing to do. Society seems to be pushing into a more liberal direction and I hope this isn't just the church pushing into a more liberal direction also. This is where we need to be. Love should be the focus.

Back to that class I was talking about. It really got me thinking. The rule in the new testament is to love God and love others. All the other "rules" stem from that. The thing is, there aren't really any other rules. We have to remember that. If we love God and love others the rest should follow. We should be considerate out of love. We should be faithful out of love.

It's something that I struggle with constantly, but am working on. It's something that, I think, would change how the church and Christians, are viewed. I still have a lot of questions about how I can do this, but it is something that has been on my mind.

We want love, love at the core
So much more than what we're living for
We want love, we want love, love at the core

Too Bright to See Too Loud to Hear

"Good God, can you still get us home?
How can we still get home?"

I've felt that lately. How am I, an unworthy sinner, supposed to be able to get to heaven. After all of this do I deserve it? Do I deserve the love and the grace and the mercy that my lord has given me? The answer is no. No I don't deserve it. But then,

"We're forgetting our forgiveness."

That's it. It's so true and simple. It's exactly what I forget. He has already forgiven me. He knows my faults, he knows that I will let him down and yet he still chooses to love me. He loves me no matter what.

Now I just have to learn to find it and to feel it. I know that it is there. I know that he loves me, but it's a hard thing to always find and to see. When times get tough and things are hard, I still have to remember that he is watching over me and that he loves me. He wants what is best for me and he wants me to follow him. That's what I have to do.

Remember that he is love.

Adjustments

The first month or so at college has been really hard for me. As much as I hate to say it. It hasn't been what I had hoped for.

Lets not dwell on that though. What is important is that I have realized that things aren't how I want them to be. I am making a change. I am reconnecting and re-energizing.

College...

Ughh its rough.

I don't like change.

I'm making it though.